Russian hackers devastate DJ set

Arthur C Clart
By Arthur C Clart

Last Sunday morning Twitter went into meltdown after world famous DJ, Lord MixFire (real name Tarquin Montague III) accused Russian hackers of ruining his live DJ set in front of a 3000 strong crowd in Majorca.

The furore began shortly after his set when he started to get bombarded with negative tweets saying that his show was terrible, some even questioning if he had hearing difficulties.

“Shit dude were you drunk?”

“I didn’t see Mutt and Jeff on the flyer!”

“Felt like I was in the middle of an pregnant elephant stampede”

“Cu#t”

Were just a handful of the not so flattering comments he received.

After some curt exchanges with fans which he later deleted, he issued the following statement.

“I’d just like to apologize to everybody that was at Mr Bananas tonight. It became obvious to me after my first 15 or 20 tracks that somebody had interfered with my USB sticks. Usually the SYNC button works just fine, but tonight I couldn’t get two tracks to line up – even when I tried to use headphones WTF!!! After some investigations my team has come to the conclusion that Russian hackers must have somehow broken into my RekordBox library and changed all of the BPM settings making it impossible for me to mix. They also totally changed the audio files in there too as I’d never even heard that Abba / Body Language mash up until it came out of the speakers.”

When quizzed over why he was also wearing sunglasses while playing in a dark nightclub he simply replied “It was for an eye infection that I picked up at a recent gig in North Korea.”

We approached several national security agencies about the matter but they all refused to comment in any detail saying only “We have no evidence but yeah, it probably was Russia.”